He proved he was a lousy judge of character and that once he had committed himself to her he would not let go. Im the other woman in his life and as such, need to get over my mom and accept the GF because he loves her and is happy and my happiness does not matter hes the one who deserves to be happy, not me. Blaming your father or his girlfriend or anyone else who you feel has caused your sadness will not help you find happiness. He realised what kind of person she was quite quickly hence the Whatever you do dont tell her.We were powerless, as we are now. This felt like my father was purposely hurting my mother and myself along with my brother. While you may feel alive and aglow this poor family are aghast. I havent even gotten to the worst part yetshe is currently caring for her terminally ill husband! The next morning when she was giving me the cold shoulder, i comfronted her. Know that if you have a change of heart, you have to communicate that to those who are more than eager to help. I feel like I never really knew my father after this awful behavior. He always worked or had something to do. WHAT?? Those are my personal beliefs and I feel though she is gone she is still with me. The relationship may well blow over. It really does feel like you lose your father once he starts dating again. As much as I want him to be happy, Im upset with what happened to my mom for him to become happy & I feel like a traitor for even talking to him. People grieve in different ways, but we all experience the pain, the hurt, the images that will haunt us probably for the rest of our lives,(it will get a little better) the isolation, the depression, loss of direction, the anger, and the acceptance of what happened and the hope that things will be better in the future. He told my younger sister that he has already grieved for his wife and is ready to move on. I put myself into survival mode and protected my children with all the strength and energy I had. Yet when i met a half ago in the death of something she died in the death of a. Duane 'dog' chapman says he's dating again after your. He claimed that their marriage had been difficult for about 5 years and that my mother-in-law would treat him very badly when they were home alone. When he moved in with her she did not even have a grab rail put in for the shower. Perhaps the longer the marriage, the greater their need to have another companion someone to soothe their hurt. While they were gone I went to the house and the girlfriend had packed up a ton of my Moms things. Im 14 and my mom passed away a bit over a year ago, we were really close and she meant the world to me, she still does. They served each other in love. I have told my dad that I felt she disrespected my mother with what she was doing and his reply was well if thats how you feel. Are you willing to share yours? Though he is willing to let his wife push you out of his life, he wants to see his grandchildren. She was my age and plastic-surgeried from head to toe. From this minute I got there that morning, my sister was already there, and Dad he kept trying to rush the evadible . We talk, but are not close. She described how shed always be sad that her dad would never be at her wedding or meet her son Teddy, but the sadness was nothing compared to the guilt she felt while thinking back to those little moments when she could have done more. We explained to him that we were all grieving my mother and doing our best to cope with the first big holiday without her. We kids need him. My parents had been together since they were 14 and 15 years old (and married since their early 20s), so my dad had no idea how to be alone. I lost my mother in 1995, i was 14 years old. Out of my siblings, I was the only one physically involved in the day-to-day care of my mother, so their understanding is limited. People deserve to be happy but that does not mean they should forget their children. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. I had spent the previous week crying 24/7, and to put it bluntly, I was simply tired of blowing my nose. NTA. I feel the woman lacks the very character by doing what she had done, even though dad and my sister feel she helps him, she makes him happy. You only get one life; live it and love it to the fullest of your ability, and dont let the hard times break you. I think it really depends on the spouse and family and friends of the deceased. Nothing, not when , how, where, why, nothing. There are three of us kids and this was hard to deal with. Many of you are older than I am, live apart from your surviving parents, and still struggle with these feelings of betrayal, loss, and hurt. So right now my sister is scheduled in about 20 days to have a 9 hour back surgery. I just want to make the point that grieving cannot be hurried. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. She would do something appalling and be banned from my sister or my home. I have cooked many meals for families grieving, and you would be surprised what good catharsis can come of it. In the last 6 months I really feel like Ive begun to heal properly and our family unit of just Dad, my brothers and me-the only girl- were settling. I would also suggest trying to help your mother get through the day with daily chores. This is exactly how I am feeling right now. My future step daughters(in their late 20s) do not accept that my fianc have a person in his life. My brother was okay with it, my sister was as well(but now she is not) If I become estranged when she move on, it will be easier to deal with the death of that parent as we have already parted in the living years. Fathers should be there for their daughters and their grandchildren versus pouring your energy into a complete stranger. She complained that when we were away, everyone bowed to me and did everything for me. My Mum died almost 2 years ago in Sept 2011. Ive talked to him and my brothers but they dont feel everything or see things as I do. My dad was on CLOUD 9! There is a train and buses and a taxi driver who lives 2 doors down from my father. I realise it is a long time ago for you. Mumbling, repeating herself, not eating but complaining about her weight to everyone including fat people (95 pounds!!! My dad started dating a former high school classmate of his about 9 months after my moms passing. Remember, your father has made a choice. I believe that we have to be aware of the family feelings of loss, where are they in their journey, understanding and caring about it is important and may help your relationship with your children. And $400/month for a phone bill? I am trying so hard to listen to him and be there for him, but he only talks about these new women- and its breaking my heart. Even as if it. It's really, devastating sadness that people grow old and suddenly at We have to get together on Christmas Eve because her family gets together for Christmas Day. Who does this to a man? click to read more On him. Today is the one year anniversary of my mothers death from a 6 month battle with pancreatic cancer. I try to be cordial because I want to stay in my grandbabies life. I will never be her friend or her buddy and dont want to be. I quickly looked at my dad and told him that her body wasnt even cold and she hadnt been cremated yet. Free moment they are on mom's. He sent them to an auction house. If, in all circumstances you ask yourself the question: Is this how my mom would choose for me to be living my life? Can you lay down your unhappiness and anger long enough to understand that we all (even your father who you are unhappy with and have judged) want to be wanted, needed and loved. Focus your energy on creating the kind of life that would be a tribute to your mom.love your children; love your spouse but most of all love yourself the way she would have loved you. But unbeknownst to me the D and the S 22 could not accept a new women in dads life. He is clearly uncomfortable talking about any grief that he is feeling now but says, talking with women online makes him feel better. My mum told me today that a friend she made not long after he She probably needs things done for her. She didnt want me to do groceries for her anymore. Telling you You cannot win this is a mistake. How dare I try to prevent him from moving on? I also go everynight after work and cook dinner. Your email address will not be published. I have 4 kids (teens) who I am being very honest with but careful not to introduce anyone as a replacement for their mother no one will ever take that place. WebWhile it's reasonable to ask him to find his own place because money isn't an issue, you can't expect him to leave on the spot. Other folk have mentioned sexual details being mentioned and we had that also. WebMy father is dating after my mother died - Find single woman in the US with mutual relations. For much of my mothers life she did not have to work just take care of the family. My mother wasnt cold in the grave! Sometimes youre sailing smooth, and sometimes you get stuck in the mud. Required fields are marked *. Mom put to death at her own request after murdering her 5 kids This story has been shared 97,343 times. From the beginning, Ellen and her mother who was still alive at the time were very pushy with me in terms of trying to establish a relationship that I just simply was not ready for as it was too soon and I had not had time to grieve my Mom. The getting into my dads house and rearranging personal stuff that is the thing that was worse than the fact that she existed. Then he texted me the other day to go check out the house because he got informed by a neighbor that something was wrong, went them yesterday and what a mess, weeds everywhere . #fyp #viral #chiaraactress This hurt because I have just lost my mom and now Im losing my dad. Every time he has mentioned these other women he is talking to, I just feel like dying inside. Forcing a new person on a family who are still going through that process with scant regard for their emotional state is not a thing that should be embarked on lightly. Dad died, my older brother, and i am 26 years old family. If you read this could you message me in the hope that we can help each other ? She and my father hid the severity of her initial diagnosis of stage iv for almost the entire illness (until it was undeniable). How to sew my own clothes? She also managed to monopolize every situation with her own drama (example: she lost her license for the vehicular manslaughter 2 days before my wedding and dad and people that were supposed to help me with the wedding ended up driving her around, taking her to hair appts, buying groceries for the out-of-towners dinner at dads house which she never prepared bc she was in court so my mother-in-law had to make it, etc., taking valuable helpers away from me-the bride-who was doing/making everything herself to save money). I feel I have lost my parents and that my mothers life and death have been so disrespected by his need to be with this lady who worked in the dentist office where my parents attended for 17 plus years. Now his wife has him to herself. He pretty much worked up until he died. It seems to me the concept of family and what means to really show up and fully support what your family needs is a hard thing for some people. There are still times I am so angry at him for choosing his girlfriend, over his family. We donated most, but I took the time to go through every item, so I kept a few that I liked. My dad and his new Colombian girlfriend have been going on vacation like crazy, Shes completely moved in, and her son overtook my own bedroom. Anytime my sister and I would try to talk about mother to reminisce, she would kick my father under the table, and he would be silent. WE ARE IN OUR 70S! When he is sick, hell check in daily for advice(were health professionals) but otherwise, it seems an effort to check in . This has just happened to me I am bereft. In my case, I learned that she was an amazing person and lived an amazing life, so I have nothing but the utmost respect for her as his wife and the ACs mother. It went on for a bit. Dad was a wonderful caregiver. I understand that the lose of a mother or father is painful. I cant lie to my dad about my feelings so I just tell him how it is. He makes me smile again! Wow. In addition, her other sister lives on the same street, across the driveway, from my dad. We would never do anything to upset the awesome family lives that we worked so hard to create. He resented being taken out for visits almost as if he felt we were at fault. She fought so bravely, and had pockets of success, only to be followed by a very quick decline (3 weeks from notice of having months to live). After about two months, when I did actually want people to ask about my dad and to check in on me, I felt deeply sad that everyone had seemingly moved onand I was left painfully alone. Things that I feel need to stay in the family. Trying to make me feel bad I guess, but I was so happy to have a place for myself. for that reason , though I did not like the concept I was prepared to accept my dad having a new partner -shitty timing aside. Looking for novel in all the wrong places? Currently, Alexandra is in her first year of business school at Stanford's Graduate School of Business. Try to be upbeat when you are around them. So in my moms house, surrounded by her beautiful knick-knacks, is this woman with no job, no prospects (she seems a little brain damaged), and no sign of getting better. Its because i took a picture of us 4 without her and because i have pictures of my mother up in the house and i do that on purpose. I have sometimes confided in someone only to find I felt worse after the chat She is disliked because she is thoroughly dislikeable and it is her victims who are worthy of pity. You are married and have a child. I am so thankful to be in this place right now, because the earlier one was hell. I have told him how I feel, and that is all I can do. By March he had sold everything except the rest of here jewelry and which my sister an I were supposed to go thru but my sister has been sick and has not been able to get here. I am still having a hard time coping with her death. I believe that boundaries have to be in place and respected from both sides. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. He drops everything for her,he sits all afternoon with her oap pal,has tea or dinner with them,we were lucky if we had 1 meal a week with dad at table. I dont think weve made any headway with him. Too say that I have issues with it would be an understatement. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! Right after my dads funeral, my group of friends from high school were sitting around me in the sun, making sure that I was being sufficiently hugged. I dont want to feel guilty for wanting to be happy and make no mistake whether you are a dreamy-eyed 16 year old or a 41 yr old man, the feeling of falling in love takes your breath away. Watching her stop breathing for 10 seconds and all of us thinking she was gone and all of a tsudden take a breath. I was looking for my mail, and stumbled upon an awkward pairing of items: leopard print undies, and bibles.. She is apparently very religious, and my dad is now, too.. in fact, hes so religious that he doesnt mind going to a church where they dont even speak english they speak Vietnamese. He is depressed because he has been abandoned by her and takes it out on me. I guess I just have a hard time understanding him. Today, they went shopping for a bed. Its dragging me down, and I know things can be so much worse but I cant imagine him marrying this woman and her living among my mothers things, and even moreso, putting her own personal touch on this house. You didn't agree to pay for her to be a SAHM. It was exactly how I feel and sadly where I am at. And I saw her mugshots-she was smiling in one of them. She never acts but with self interest and self preservation in mind so she did it for her and not for him. You can petition the court to be named executor. I included her in many ways (program, introduction at the reception, invitation to have her hair and make up done with us, corsage), but explicitly told them months before that I didnt want her walking down the aisle because that was my moms place and leaving that empty was my way of including my mom in my wedding day. Sometime late in 2014, he connected with an old college friend and they began dating, and I was surprised by how ok I was with it. We toured , we ate , we relaxed we connected again and again. He may be able to fulfill some of the emptiness he has felt and may feel he at least has a purpose to continue his life. I felt silly for assuming that I would upset her if I reminded her of her dada person who, of course, was never far from her mind. Even my 18 year old daughter says about her granddad, Hea acting like a teenage who just broke up with his girlfriend and is in a rebound relationship. Only, his girlfriend was his wife for 54+ years. I, too, was very close to my mom. My brother was only 13, but my Dad spent most weekends at his girlfriends house. Speaking of clothes, she has over 28 bathing suits that she has made. She had been ill (with my dad as caretaker) but was expected to make a full recovery. I feel that the only way to achieve some kind of middle ground here, is to accept what is happening, support my Father-in-law in his happiness, and be positive for my husband and his siblings. Knowing this, I sought out my dad, and I developed a great relationship with him. has met her in a neighboring town two times, and they have talked on the phone most days. My father said he did not want her to do it but he was 86 and she was 88. Since he can no longer drive she holds all the power. I had a big talk with him over the holidays and told him how I felt. The sad realization that I have made is that my dad may have always been a follower. My dad dropped the issue. I wish you the best through these troubling hours. I just dont know what to do. It will never be the same. According to him, he had already grieved over her and had moved on. Well. 20 minutes into our meeting she seemed stoned, or drunk. Little did I know 14 months later I was going to be blindsided with a call that he was dating. They, and the rest of the family, are appalled at me. My husband reserved judgement when he first was told about her and believed she couldnt be so bad and that it was the timing that was an issue. I know it is 2017 now, and I too have lost my mother and have a 76 year old father who was comforted by a lady 10 years older than I and 10 younger than he, but no one can really understand the pain that comes in seeing your father with another woman after 55 years of marriage. Its a mess.. on the out side . So, long story short, mom died two years ago, dad took up with at 16 months, dad had a heart attack one year ago, and has now moved in with the GF. Ive always been close to both my parents, so to see my relationship with my father deteriorating due to his marriage hurts. How could so much love be so quickly forgotten. I am in 12 grade and this thing has stuck in my mind which is degrading my performance in studies. Over 30 years this woman has caused havoc and hurt wherever she goes not just within our family but in her own. Ten weeks after my mothers death this woman began coming to stay in the house.I cannot describe the awfulness of that time. I think that the parent should be concerned with how their children (even if theyre adults) feel about them dating again. One week after my mother passed a women that was a member at the same club as my parents contacted my dad to send her condolences, saying she had just found out about my mom. I dont want him to feel abandoned or cast aside. It was both a good thing for separation from the all-consuming disease and bad, because I selfishly didnt have to share the burden my Dad did. Just have to wait until he thinks its the right time to tell us I guess, Im so happy i found this website i thought i was the only one in this situation. I think one thing my life has taught me is that emotional maturity is not age dependent. Tonight, us kids and spouses had a dinner to honor the passing of my mother. I once cut his hair too short,she told him he looked like a thug,wouldnt speak to him for days,now he panics every time I cut his hair incase I use the wrong fitting. the new woman wife has new clothes, a new car, purses, things my daughter never had. . He told me during the conversation months before my wedding that he expects us to love his wife just as much as we love him. So it could give you all a place to work out your many feelings. It will be 6 months on April 24 since my dear mom left us. Key Tip 1: In time, grief will diminish, although it sometimes takes a year or longer. Around January of 2004, a neighbor and fellow church member of my Dads set up a date for him with another woman Ill call Ellen. It had barely been 6 months since Mom had passed away. They brightened her day. She has tried her best to destory our family and keep us away from my dad. Thanks again for sharing it is nice to know I am not alone. J(dad) made some poor choices after choosing this woman as his new wife, including choosing her family over mine for attending certain momentous occasions. Your mom is in a beautiful, peaceful place and exists in pure love. We had many excursions and seemed to hit it off generally. His whole personality has changed and I just cant adjust to it. It helped him to see how someone else is suffering, and keep him on a level of reality that is easy to forget through depression and grief. My dad has said things about his sex life to me as well. Eight months after my mother died my dad gave a woman a diamond. Know that even if they fumble over the right words to say, or text you a meme when you were hoping for sincerity in that moment, that they love you, and are trying. These are the only options I see and it is a tragedy that they all mean the most pain is experienced, as always, by the innocent party. Does your mother want and/or need you to move in? I feel that he needs to take time and adjust to his new life before he brings someone else into it. Its weird watching a 72 year old man act like a 14 year old. It makes me question my whole life growing up in our family. my daughter passed away several years ago it has not been two years yet. Accused me of back chatting & havent bern financially & emotionally supporting, wrote on his status that His a greatest Dad.

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